i don’t give a FUCK.

LOLOL.

youuu tightttt. 

my fingers tremble

with love at the tips

trailing up your body

each inch must be kissed

nothing left untouched

hearts colliding constantly

goosebumps take over

our intertwined bodies

overwhelmed with the desire

to please and to express

exactly what we feel

but this is not a test

it’s a war between us

no fire arms are used

just the overwhelming desire

to make sweet love to you

pleasure shoots up our spines

this moment that we share

glances that say everything

divine scents fill the air

scensual but no seduction

needed in our dark

sorry that i had to go

but i left behind the sparks

could lay in your arms forever

your head rests on my chest

even though i’m gone tonight

and we’ve cleaned up the mess

our essence haunts your room

you’ll sleep sound tonight

knowing that i’m always yours

you release a breathless sigh

i love you for infinity

never doubt that fact again

you have stamped me in ways

no one else can understand

eternity will be shared

lifetimes after death

continue through the universe

the love is always left

never to deplete

unable to fade away

my hearts worn on your sleeve

so don’t fear i won’t stay

i will never go again

i hear your silent plees

but read my eyes and understand

you are everything to me

Dear GK,

You are my light at the end of the tunnel, I am so glad that I made the choice to see you Friday. I was scared out of my mind, my closest friends know. I didn’t know how I’d get the courage to see you NEXT WEEK. I was working out and I decided it felt right, my heart became set on it. I have never felt more complete in my entire life. I want this feeling to stay forever. I do not think you’re aware of how much you mean to me. I mean, I think you think that you know but you truly don’t. If I don’t know how to express it you clearly don’t know.

I spoke to my mom today about being with your family for Thanksgiving, She thinks it’s a lovely idea. She is so fucking cute, I swear. She goes, “Then for another holiday we’ll have both of our families together, maybe the next year. She literally KNOWS I live and breath you. I feel better than ever knowing that I have you. I have been up and down so much with my issues and I finally feel as though it’s balancing out. I am trying out ANOTHER way to get to where I want to be. And of course, I have to work around seeing you on the weekends. That’s fine, I’ll be fine. I know I can be fine. Which is great… I have more confidence in myself now. 

I don’t know what seeing you did for me, but I am way better off now than I was a week ago. Definitely. Knowing that I have you at the end of the week to look forward to make my life so much brighter. Everything, so much brighter. You’re mine and you have my forever. I’m yours. I promise you that, I promise you that I’m yours. I wish I could give you more, right now. I wish I could. But I realized this weekend that you don’t even care, you truly don’t. 

I make another promise, I will give you more, eventually. This is just a battle I have now. I want to have it won by the end of this year. I want to completely conquer it and move on to another factor of my life. I mean, I know I will always have an eating disorder, But it doesn’t have to win. It doesn’t have to overcome me and drown me in depression. I won’t allow it. You showed me optimism. You drilled it in my head.

Also, This weekend I also saw a beautiful side of you. You standing up for what you believe in. I used to think you were a pushover when we first dated. You wanted to please me, I wanted to please you. I didn’t want to show you my true colors, I thought you wouldn’t love me. I thought you’d think I was disgusting. You thought that I wanted you to praise me. But seeing you actually stand up to your dad, was admirable. I knew you had a temper but it never scared me, I don’t find that scary. It was just intriguing to watch your point of view burst out uncontrollably. And you stood for a good cause, you’re rational. You’re fucking beautiful, I swear to god. You are honestly just gorgeous inside and out. You are the best thing to ever happen to me. You are my other half. You are the love of my life. You’re all I ever need. Thank you, For loving me back.

Always yours, 

m 1400 1b

t 1400 1b 

w 1400 1b

t  1400 1b

f — —

s — —

s 1400 1b

repeat.

22 days down

39 to go.

march sixth is a new chapter of this.